Prepare to leave an abusive relationship

Yourtoolkit.com provides you with the support and resources you need to navigate and overcome the challenges of family and domestic violence. Your safety is the highest priority, so we’ve designed our site to help you access the information you need discreetly and securely.

• Quick exit button: Browsing for help online can be risky if your partner is nearby. We have included a Quick Exit button at the top right corner of every page of Yourtoolkit.com. This button lets you leave the site immediately and redirects your browser to a neutral page.
• We don't collect cookies: Our website won’t keep your personal information or any history of use in our database. However, your internet browser will record your activity—make sure to clean your browser history or browse incognito.

A browser or internet history is an automatic log on your computer that records each page you visit on the internet. It can be viewed via your internet settings to monitor your previous device and internet usage. Use these safe device practices to regularly clean and maintain privacy over your browser and internet history:

• Use private browsing: Private browsing, or incognito mode, is an option of your internet settings that limits storing or tracking of your internet usage. You can turn this setting on from your mobile, desktop, or laptop browser.
• Clear history and cache: Clearing your internet history can remove any record of online activity that could cause aggravation. Generally, the steps to do this are as follows:
  1. Find the settings button of your internet browser. It might look like a gear or three dots, on the far top right hand side of your screen.
  2. Select history from the settings menu to open your browser history.
  3. Select the pages or time frame you'd like to delete and confirm by pressing the delete button.
  4. Close all the pages left open on your device that you don't want to be recorded.
  5. Refresh the internet history page and check that the history doesn't create suspicion.
  6. It's a good idea to delete only the pages required, and if necessary create a fake history by visiting safe websites, like grocery or department stores, if you need to explain why you used the computer later.
• Other safe device practices:
  1. Use a browser different from your partner's so that they will be less likely to check i.e Use Google Chrome on an iphone, rather than the safari internet app.
  2. Rememer your browser settings can be recorded across devices. If you're logged in on your laptop and visit a site that could cause aggrevation, it might also be recorded on your phone. Use incognito mode or delete your broswer history on both devices to avoid this.
  3. Asking a trusted friend or family member, or using a public computer might be the safest option.

For further instructions on internet history, see Technology Safety Australia.

Considering your personal safety can help you identify potential dangers. Consider the following and take action based on what you believe is most appropriate to protect yourself. Remember you are always the best judge of your situation and how you choose to respond.

--

If you are in immediate danger and have experienced behaviours including:

• Threats of physical violence
• The abuser has access to weapons or has threatened to use them
• Abuse is happening more often or gets worse each time
• The abuser has expressed intent to harm or kill
• You are in an isolated place with the abuser, including your home or place where there are no witnesses to violence

Action: Call emergency services immediately (Triple zero or 000 in Australia), and:

1. Follow your safety plan if prepared.
2. Leave the house or place where the violence is happening, if possible.
3. Text a trusted friend or family member to call the police or intervene safely.
4. Attract attention from neighbours.
5. Seek refuge at a local domestic violence shelter (See Service Directory).
6. Call domestic violence services (See Service Directory).

--

If you are not in immediate danger but feel that violence could escalate, including:

• Increased control and monitoring by the abuser
• Verbal threats or intimidation
• Being stalked or followed at work, home, or social places
• Unpredictable behaviour by the abuser
• Feeling emotionally overpowered by the abuser

Action: 

1. Prepare a detailed safety plan and pack a go-bag with essential items.
2. Tell a friend or family member.
3. Change the locks or take physical precautions to increase safety at home.
4. Use your personal devices securely so the abuser cannot monitor them.
5. Safely collect evidence of abuse.
6. Research domestic violence resources to learn more, including reading Yourtoolkit.com

--

If you feel relatively safe but are concerned about the possibility of future violence. You may have experienced:

• Past incidents of violence with no recent occurrences
• Manipulative behaviour but no immediate threats by the abuser
• Fear about the potential retaliation if the relationship ends

Action: Focus on maintaining your safety and building long-term stability, and:

1. Build your financial independence, including personal financial planning.
2. Secure legal protection, including understanding the separation process and what you need to maintain your quality of life. 
3. Access counselling services for emotional support.
4. Work on building your self-confidence. Remember you are not alone. Support and resources are available to help you navigate this journey.

Tips for calling emergency services on Triple Zero (000)

• Calls to Triple Zero (000) are always free
• If using a pay phone, you do not need a coin
• If you are using a pre-paid mobile phone with no credit, you can call Triple Zero (000), and you will be connected unless you are in a remote area with no mobile signal.
• You can call 000 without unlocking the keypad or entering your Personal Identification Number (PIN)
• It is not possible to contact 000 using the SMS text facility on your mobile phone

Once you are through to the Emergency Services, you may be asked:

1. The address where the incident is taking place
2. Your name and telephone number
3. The offender’s name, age and date of birth
4. If there are any weapons involved? Are you able to describe them?
5. Are you the victim? If not, what is the victim’s name?

If you have a hearing or speech impairment and your life or property is in danger, you can contact police, fire or ambulance on 106.

• You can only use 106 from a teletypewriter (TTY), a special text-based device or a computer with internet access.
• Callers to 106 are asked to type PPP for police, FFF for fire or AAA for ambulance. The relay officer will then call the emergency service and stay on the line to relay your conversation. An able caller can also just say “police”, “fire”, or “ambulance” to the relay officer.
• The 106 service can only be dialled from a TTY, it cannot be used by an ordinary phone, SMS on a mobile phone or internet relay.
• As a TTY is connected to a fixed line, the emergency service can locate where you are calling from.

When the police attend a home in response to a domestic violence incident, their primary goal is to ensure the immediate safety and well-being of all individuals involved. Here’s an outline of what typically happens during police intervention:

1. Police will assess the situation to determine the immediate threat or danger. 
2. The alleged victim and perpetrator are separated to give statements.
3. Police will look for physical evidence of abuse or struggle, including damaged property or physical injuries. This may include looking through the house.
4. Witnesses will also be asked to give a statement.
5. If there are injuries, police may provide immediate first aid and call for a medical assistant. They may also transport any non-critical injuries to the hospital.
6. In some cases, the police will issue a protection order, temporarily preventing the alleged perpetrator from contacting or approaching the victim.
7. Police will share more information about seeking legal advice or support services with both parties.
8. Police often follow up after an incident, including visiting the house or contacting the victim.

If police attend a home where it is alleged a partner or family member is physically or otherwise abusive, they may issue a Police Order. A police order can last up to 72 hours and contains many of the same conditions included in a long-term Family Violence Restraining or Protection Order. A police order prevents the perpetrator from being within a certain distance from you or trying to communicate in any way until a longer-term Family Violence Restraining or Protection Order can be applied.

Learn more about Family Violence Restraining or Protection Order.

In Australia, 48-hour police protection orders (also known as Police-issued Family Violence Orders or Temporary Protection Orders) are short-term, immediate protective measures issued by the police to provide safety for victims of family and domestic violence. These orders can be issued when the police attend a domestic violence incident and believe that the victim is at risk of further harm. These orders' specific rules and procedures vary slightly between states and territories.

Here’s a breakdown of how 48-hour police protection orders function across the different states and territories in Australia:

Getting medical care after experiencing domestic violence is important for your health and safety. Remember your health and safety are the top priorities for healthcare providers, you can get support from:

1. Emergency Department (ED):
   • When to go: Go to the ED if you have serious injuries or need immediate medical help. Hospitals have 24/7 emergency services.
   • What to expect: medical staff will check your injuries, give treatment, and may refer you to support services.
2. General Practitioner (GP):
   • When to go: see your GP for non-urgent medical care or follow-up appointments. GPs can give medical advice, document injuries, and provide ongoing care.
   • What to expect: Your GP will examine you, document any injuries and discuss treatment options. They can refer you to support services.
3. Women’s and community health clinics:
   • When to go: These clinics offer specialised care for women, including those experiencing domestic violence. They provide comprehensive health services, including counselling and support.

What to expect: A supportive environment where you can get medical care and access additional resources. Find national health services.

How and why to tell a healthcare worker you are experiencing violence:

• Direct disclosure: If you feel safe and comfortable, tell the healthcare provider about the violence. This can help them give the best care and connect you with support services.
• Using screening tools: Some health services ask about domestic violence. Answer these questions honestly if you feel safe to do so.
• Privacy and confidentiality: Healthcare providers must keep what you tell them confidential. They will only share information with your consent, except if there is an immediate risk to your safety.
• Support services referrals: Healthcare providers can refer you to specialist domestic violence services for extra support, including counselling, legal advice, and emergency accommodation.

Australia’s Healthcare Systems:

1. Public health: Public hospitals and community health centres provide free or low-cost medical care to all Australian residents, including those with Medicare.
2. Private health: Private healthcare providers may offer faster access to some services. You need private health insurance or be ready to pay out-of-pocket costs to use the private health system.
3. Medicare: Medicare is Australia’s universal health insurance scheme. It provides Australian residents and citizens access to various health services at little or no cost.
   • Medicare covers visits to GPs, specialist doctors, public hospitals and some allied health services. It also covers the cost of tests and examinations to diagnose and treat illnesses.
   • To access services you will need a Medicare card. You can apply for a card at a Medicare office or the Services Australia website. 
   • Some doctors and health service providers offer bulk billing, which means Medicare covers the entire visit cost. Always check if the provider offers bulk billing. 
   • While Medicare covers many services, there can be out-of-pocket costs if the provider charges more than the Medicare benefit. Always ask about any potential costs before receiving treatment.