What is Male Privilege as Abuse?

Men that use violence and control in their relationship often do so because they believe women are less worthy than men. They choose to perpetrate violence because they believe women are their property and it is a male’s right to control their wife or girlfriend.

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Male privilege is reflected in the belief that men are better and smarter than women. It can feel like your partner is always competing with you to prove he is right and that he will win.

Male perpetrators of abuse use violence to gain respect and a sense of masculinity, whilst justifying their own behaviour. This behaviour is not ok. Women and men have equal value in a relationship.

Sarah has been married for nearly ten years. Her husband Joe is very traditional and has always insisted Sarah do the domestic tasks such as cooking and cleaning. Joe feels strongly that Sarah’s appearance needs to be very feminine so she wears makeup and dresses every day to appease him.

In the past Sarah has worked in a part time job but no longer does because Joe thinks it interferes with her ability to be a homemaker. He also didn’t like the shirts and pants uniform she wore at work. Because of some health issues, Sarah has recently struggled to get the housework and cooking done. Joe refuses to help her and won’t let family and friends support her either because he believes it is her role as the woman to maintain the house. Sarah is thinking about getting divorced but fears it will bring shame on her family.

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Emotional Abuse

Treating you like a servant and maid
Making big decisions without consulting you
Always having to be right, never saying ‘sorry’
Demanding you do what he says without question
Expecting sex and demanding it as a woman’s duty
Gender-shaming and abuse, e.g., trapping you in the cultural conventions of marriage and parenting as ‘women’s work’
Being condescending to wait-staff in restaurants
Controlling or holding unrealistic expectations of your appearance and behaviour to boost their image
Sexually harassing other women, often in front of you
Refusing to abide by rules and policies because they consider themselves to be ‘above the law’
Making career decisions without involving you (including decisions to relocate) because they are the breadwinner or head of the house

Find Support to Healthy Practices

Yourtoolkit.com offers a free step-by-step guide on personal safety, support services and money matters for people facing family and domestic violence. If your partner uses male privilege to justify or downplay abuse these sections may be helpful.