Written in Collaboration with Professor Narelle Lemon
After leaving a domestic violence situation, taking care of yourself might feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. You might think, “Do I really deserve this?” or “Isn’t this selfish?” These thoughts are common, but it’s important to challenge them. Let’s explore why giving yourself permission for self-care is not just okay—it’s essential.
Let’s explore why giving yourself permission for self-care is a powerful act of healing and self-compassion.
Why Permission Matters
Giving yourself permission for self-care means embracing the belief that your needs matter. It’s about recognising that you deserve care, kindness, and space to heal—without guilt or justification.
By giving yourself permission, you are:
- Acknowledging that your needs are important
- Recognising that you deserve care and kindness
- Allowing yourself to prioritise your own wellbeing
Remember: Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for healing.
Overcoming Guilt
You might feel guilty about focusing on yourself, especially if you’re used to putting others first. It’s common, especially for those who have been in environments where their needs were ignored or minimised. Here’s how to work through those feelings:
- Recognise the source: Guilt often comes from past experiences or others’ expectations. It does not reflect reality.
- Reframe your thinking: Instead of “I’m being selfish,” try “I’m taking care of myself so I can be stronger.”
- Start small: Give yourself permission for small acts of self-care. As you see the benefits, it’ll become easier to allow bigger ones.
How Self-Care Benefits You and Others
Self-care isn’t just about feeling good—it has real, lasting benefits that improve your entire life:
- Improved physical and mental health: You’ll feel more energised and resilient.
- Increased self-esteem and confidence: Prioritising yourself reinforces your self-worth.
- Better relationships with others: When you value yourself, you set better boundaries with others.
- Greater emotional strength: Self-care equips you to handle challenges with confidence.
Over time, this cycle of self-care and positive outcomes can help you rebuild a sense of control over your life, fostering resilience and opening doors to new opportunities for growth and healing. Remember that the self in self-care is not selfish, rather you are caring for yourself to care for others.
Practical Steps to Give Yourself Permission
If self-care still feels difficult, try these steps:
- Write a self-care permission slip: Literally write yourself a note saying, “I, [Your Name], give myself permission to take care of myself today.”
- Set a daily self-care alarm: When it goes off, take a moment for yourself, no matter what.
- Use positive affirmations: Say to yourself, “I deserve to be cared for” or “Taking care of myself is important.”
- Celebrate small wins: Acknowledge each time you successfully prioritise your needs.
Journal prompts to reflect on
Journaling can be a powerful way to uncover any barriers to self-care. Take some time to reflect on these questions:
- What’s holding you back from giving yourself permission for self-care?
- How might your life improve if you prioritise your own needs more?
- What’s one small way you could give yourself permission for self-care today?
You Deserve Care – Always
Giving yourself permission for self-care might feel strange at first, but that’s okay. Be patient with yourself. Each time you choose to care for yourself, you’re reinforcing your worth and building a foundation for a healthier, happier life.
If you’re struggling with giving yourself permission, don’t hesitate to contact a counsellor or support group. Remember, seeking help is also a form of self-care.
You deserve more than survival—you deserve to thrive. Give yourself permission to take that first step.
For more resources on self-care and healing, visit YourToolkit.com.
