Understanding Self-Care: Your Path to Healing and Growth

Written in Collaboration with Professor Narelle Lemon

Recovering from domestic violence is a journey of rediscovering your strength and rebuilding your life. Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury—it’s essential. Self-care is a powerful way to nurture your emotional, physical, and mental health as you move forward.

But what does self-care really mean? Let’s explore self-care as a healing and growth practice and how you can start in a way that feels right for you.

What is Self-Care?

Self-care means taking intentional steps to care for your well-being, proactively protecting and improving your health–whether that means resting when you’re tired, seeking out joy, or simply allowing yourself space to heal. 

Professor Narelle Lemon, a self-care expert, describes it as a process of self-discovery—meeting yourself each day, learning what you need, and responding with compassion. It’s not about being perfect or comparing yourself to others. It’s about you and your unique needs.

Why is Self-Care Important for Survivors?

After experiencing domestic violence, self-care can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. Many survivors have spent so long prioritising others that turning that care inward can feel uncomfortable—even selfish. But the truth is: self-care is not selfish—it’s necessary.

Self-care can help you:

• Rebuild your self-esteem
• Reduce stress and anxiety
• Improve your physical health
• Reconnect with your own needs and wants
• Develop healthy coping mechanisms

It’s not about big, dramatic changes—it’s about taking small, meaningful steps that help you feel safe, supported, and valued.

Getting Started: Self-Care That Feels Doable

If self-care feels overwhelming, start small. Self-care doesn’t have to be complicated or time-consuming. Here are practical ideas to help you get started:

Caring For Your Body:

1. Create a comforting bedtime routine: Set a consistent sleep schedule and develop a relaxing pre-bed ritual that can help you feel safe and improve sleep. Try reading, stretching, or listening to calming music before bed.
2. Connect with nature: Where ever you can try to connect with nature in a way that suits you. This might be touching your feet to grass during your lunch break or getting some sun on your face.
3. Explore nourishing recipes: Explore new recipes that make you feel good, not guilty. This can be both nurturing and empowering.
4. Practice body-positive movement: Engage in physical activities that make you feel good, like dancing to your favourite music or trying a beginner’s yoga video at home.
5. Prioritise health check-ups: Make appointments for health screenings, such as dental check-ups or annual physicals, that you may have been putting off. Your health matters.
6. Create a cozy space: Make your living area comfortable and soothing with soft blankets, calming colours, or plants.

Nurturing Your Emotions with Self-Care:

1. Start a journal: Write your emotions without judgment and track how they change over time. Keep it in a safe place so only you can read it.
2. Create an emergency comfort kit: Fill a box with items that soothe you, like a soft toy, your favorite tea, or comforting photos.
3. Practice self-compassion exercises: Try loving-kindness meditation or write yourself a compassionate letter. Speak to yourself as you would a dear friend.
4. Engage in expressive arts: Try painting, colouring, or sculpting to express emotions without words. This doesn’t have to be expensive, you might purchase an art pack from a store ($5-$15) or see how you can be creative with what’s around the house.
5. Join a support group: Connect with others who understand your experiences in a safe, facilitated environment. Look for community groups on Facebook, or local websites. You don’t have to feel alone.

Support Your Mental Health with Self-Care

1. Learn a new skill: Take a course, or learn something about a subject you’re interested in. Learning something new releases dopamine – a ‘feel-good’ hormone that can help you build trust and connection to yourself.
2. Create ‘worry time’: Set aside a specific time as often as you need to address worries, then practice letting them go outside that time. It might be helpful to include this in a ritual where you set aside 10 minutes and visualise letting the worries go.
3. Declutter your space: Start small by organising one drawer or shelf and experiencing the mental clarity it can bring. Even tidying a single drawer can bring a sense of calm and control.
4. Practice mindfulness: Try simple mindfulness exercises, like focusing on your breath for five minutes daily.
5. Limit news and social media intake: Set boundaries around when and how much news and social media you consume to protect your mental space.

Spiritual Self-Care Practices:

1. Create a gratitude practice: Write down three things you’re grateful for each day, no matter how small.
2. Practice daily affirmations: Write down confirming sentences that you can practice saying to yourself in a mirror everyday, for example

 “I acknowledge and care deeply for myself. I enjoy dedicating time to my healing journey everyday. I am lucky to receive this love from myself”.

3. Explore your values: Reflect on what’s truly important and how you can align your life with these values.
4. Connect with a supportive community: If faith is important to you, find a welcoming spiritual community that respects your journey.
5. Practice forgiveness: Work on forgiving yourself for things you may feel guilty about. Remember, healing takes time.
6. Create meaningful rituals: Develop personal rituals that bring you peace, like lighting a candle each morning or taking a weekly nature walk.

Rebuilding Social Connections:

1. Reconnect safely: Reach out to a trusted friend or family member you may have lost touch with during your abusive relationship.
2. Join a club or class: Find a group activity that interests you, like a book club or craft class, to meet new people in a low-pressure environment.
3. Practice setting boundaries: Start small by saying ‘no’ to minor requests that don’t align with your needs or values.
4. Volunteer: When you’re ready, consider volunteering for a cause you care about. This can provide a sense of purpose and connection.
5. Have a ‘friend date’: Plan regular one-on-one time with a supportive friend, even if it’s just a phone call or video chat.

Meeting Yourself with Kindness, Every Day

Self-care is about checking in with yourself regularly- meeting yourself each day, learning who you really are, and continuing to be present with your needs. Some days, your best might be getting out of bed. Other days, it might be trying something new. Both are enough.

Remember: Self-care isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being the best you can be right now.  Your “best” might look different each day, and that’s okay.

Self-Care as Self-Discovery

Self-care is a process of self-discovery. As you practice self-care, you’ll learn more about what makes you feel good, what you need to thrive and who you are without the influence of abuse. Healing isn’t about rushing forward—it’s about allowing yourself the space to grow, in your own time. Remember to be gentle with yourself through this process.

Reflection Questions to Support Your Journey

As you think about self-care, consider these questions:

1. What activities make you feel calm and centred?
2. When was the last time you felt truly relaxed? What were you doing?
3. What’s one small thing you could do today to care for yourself?
4. How can you make time for self-care in your daily routine?

Moving Forward and Being Kind to Yourself

Starting a self-care practice might feel strange at first, especially if you’re not used to prioritising yourself. That’s okay—you’ve already shown incredible strength to be here. It’s time to turn some of that strength toward nurturing yourself. You deserve care, kindness, and compassion—especially from yourself.

Giving yourself permission for self-care is an important step. If you’re struggling with self-care or need more support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counsellor or domestic violence support group.

You’re on a journey of healing and self-discovery. Embrace it, one self-care step at a time. For more resources and support, visit YourToolkit.com.