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how to support someone experiencing domestic abuse

How to support someone experiencing domestic abuse

1 in 4 Australian women experience family and domestic violence. Most of us know of someone or have experienced family violence in our lifetime.

 

This article discusses the following:

  1. How to recognise domestic abuse?
  2. Starting a conversation about family violence
  3. How to support someone facing family and domestic violence
  4. Creating a safety plan
  5. When to contact the police?

Recognise domestic abuse

You may notice that a close family member or friend shows signs of experiencing family violence. They may:

  • Unexpectedly cancelling social events
  • Unusual changes in mood or confidence
  • Unexplained bruises or injuries
  • Jumpy or anxious around their partner
  • Unequal access to money or financial decisions
  • Mentions their partner criticises them often or harshly
  • Walk on eggshells around their partner
  • Show other symptoms of depression and anxiety

 

Start a conversation about family violence

If you’re worried that someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, starting a conversation can help them feel supported. Here’s how you can approach it:

 

  1. Assess your own circumstances and if you are in a position to provide continuous support.
  2. Consider the victim-survivor’s safety. Make sure the victim-survivor is in a safe place and is not being monitored by their partner at the time you start the conversation.
  3. Express concern in a gentle and caring way. Say something like, “I’ve noticed some changes lately. I’m a bit worried. Is everything okay?’
  4. Avoid asking direct questions about abuse. Let them lead the conversation.
  5. Ask open-ended questions like “How have things been at home?” or “Do you feel safe?”
  6. Validate their feelings and remind them they deserve to be safe and happy.
  7. Gently remind them that abuse is never the victims’ fault.
  8. Create a code word that lets both of you know it’s ok to talk or if you need to change the topic of conversation quickly.
  9. Respect their choices and let them know they have your support whatever they decide to do.

 

Provide practical support

When victim survivors confide in you, they hand you an intimate level of trust. If you’re able to, you can support a victim survivor by providing:

Victim survivors may also want to discuss their experience with a trained counsellor – Call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) for 24/7, free access to professional support.

 

Create a safety plan

A safety plan is the exit strategy. Suggest to the victim survivor to prepare actionable steps they can take when they decide to leave. Review Yourtoolkit.com/1B for safety plan tips.

 

When to contact the police?

It can be hard to determine when the personal safety of your friend or family member outweighs the risk of losing their trust if you get law enforcement involved. This is why it’s important to discuss this in your initial conversation.

 

Recognise that victim survivors may be hesitant to get the police involved. Once they are, it can cause more friction between the two partners. This can be risky for victim survivors who stay in the relationship and others who may choose to transition away.

 

Police can offer a range of options, including a temporary restraining order called ‘Police Orders’ that protect the victim survivor for 24 hours whilst they find emergency accommodation and get a permanent FVRO in place.

 

You should call the police when:

  • Children are at risk
  • The perpetrator is an immediate threat to the victim survivor, or others
  • The victim survivor has requested
  • Neighbours report violent arguing or behaviour

 

Throughout their journey, remind the victim survivor to continue visiting Yourtoolkit.com and transition through our step by step guide if they choose to leave the relationship.